Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
