I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
