Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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