Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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