I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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