Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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