You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
