I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
