I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
