I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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