It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can't put those talents on a resume
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
