Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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