Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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