you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
