My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
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Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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