Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dear god my vagina.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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