I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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