summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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