you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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