the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
