my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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