i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
