What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
