Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
