Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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