you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
