Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
