I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
