Betty ford says i'm here all night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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