yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
