think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
