it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
