wrigley field is MILF paradise
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
