he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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