Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
