my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
