how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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