Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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