You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
