just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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