just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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