dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
