woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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