I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
