There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
