someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
