honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
