You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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