Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
