I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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