yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
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im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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