just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
