hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
