My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
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an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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