Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
