jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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