I'm eating all of the evidence.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
