Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I deserve to be covered in dicks
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol