I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
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We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.