It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.