Just fell off a train. Bad.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
