He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.