he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
