I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
