This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
