Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.