He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.