dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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