he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
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If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
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Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs