i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30