You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.