I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high