We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
