i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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