I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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