dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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