mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
