You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
