he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My life is pants optional.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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